Monday, June 25, 2012

Holy hills...

Yikes.  Been over two months since I last graced the internet with my presence (other than the embarrassing number of hours spent on Pinterest).  But you know what?  I make NO apologies.  Mostly because… well, I doubt anyone noticed.  THANKS, FRIENDS.

And now, here I am in San Francisco.  I’ve been here a lil’ over three weeks now, and the two most important things I’ve learned so far are:

1)    I sort of forgot how overwhelming it can be to move to a new city, and
2)    I do, in fact, know Eddie Izzard’s San Francisco routine by heart.  And it runs through my head constantly. Saaannn Fraannncisco… town, city of gleaming spires, people live here… Golden Gate Bridge!  Ahh, the Romans came here…

Here.  You should watch the first half.  Then keep reading.

But back to the overwhelming thing –
Favorite bathroom graffiti so far
I don’t know where things are (What the f*** is with the million different neighborhoods?  And why do I always feel like the Tenderloin is just around the corner?)
I don’t know how to get anywhere (busses, trains, light rail, cable cars – CABLE CARS?  I haven’t been on one yet, but every time I see one go by I go back to Eddie: “ Cable cars, they’re fun!  Everybody gets on board and becomes a rhesus monkey. No one talks on a cable car, they just haaang and staaare...")
I don’t know as many people (although I do adore the few exceptions) 
Crashing on couches is lame (but thank you, Mom)
There’s just lots of mooching in general, off the generous and sympathetic. 

Until I find my footing.

Not having my footing annoys me. 
Van Halen in San Jose.  What?
Of course, I mean that in the proverbial sense, but it’s also hard to find your literal footing in this city.  Somehow I’m even clumsier here than I am elsewhere (hard to believe).  I’ve definitely had a few nail-biting, near-ankle-breaking moments already.  I mean, between the vision-obscuring fog and the hills that appear out of nowhere and just keep going up… into the sky… forever...  and never seem to come back down... HOW does that happen?  Sort of like that story every grandfather tells about having to walk 5 miles to school in the snow, uphill both ways.  It’s like that.  But in fog. 

So I’m still feeling a little iffy.  I’ve been yelled at a number of times for doing MUNI wrong, was asked by a panhandler if I was “one of those Teen Moms” and then told to “stay thick” – thanks – and I have learned that finding an apartment here is going to be a million times harder than finding a job.  May need some Jedi mind trick action to knock out the competition... these aren’t the roommates you’re looking for…
Picnic table overlooking vineyards.  CHyeah.

But I also think I’m still just in the mourning period, missing Boston.  I do know how much this city has to offer.  And I have admittedly had a lot of fun so far.  I went wine tasting in Napa, I went to a Van Halen concert in San Jose, I explored Golden Gate Park, I saw a girl running down a hill in very high heels, jeans, and an open Giants jersey with nothing on underneath (what?), I walked down Haight Street and got an immediate contact high, I got sunburned in Dolores Park, I saw many a naked old man at Pride (expected).

Dolores park and cityscape
Just takes some getting used to, I suppose.  In any case, I intend to commandeer some empty houses and apartments for the month of July (with or without permission, BITCHES!*) so it’ll be nice to have my own space for a bit… and then, perhaps, I can follow the trail of organic breadcrumbs to Whole Foods and even start cooking again.  Since we all know how well that goes for me.

That’s all for now.  Here’s the rest of Eddie’s SF routine, in case anyone would like the full version of what runs through my head day in and day out.

*…lie.  With permission.

1 comment:

  1.'s RHESUS monkey? I always thought it was racist monkey. Which doesn't make any sense. I think I assumed it had something to do with holding onto the pole and leaning away from everyone else because you don't want to be close to anyone. That's a funny joke, right?