Wednesday, June 23, 2010


Yeah. I know it’s been a while. I just did it to keep everyone hanging. You know, build the suspense. Throw a little tension into the blogosphere.

Actually, I was just following the rules of amateur blogging, which clearly state that at least one out of every three entries must occur after a 6-month hiatus, must include sincere apologies to all of said blog’s loyal fans, and must SWEAR to update more regularly from now on.

…Actually, I’ve just been super busy for the last 7-8 months. I’ve had three jobs and no life. Well, minimal life. To sum up: server at the Border CafĂ© (which continues), unpaid intern of sorts at a literary agency (which has ended), and I had a temp job at Pearson Publishing (which, being a temp job, has also obviously ended).

It was a lot to take on. I felt that I needed all three for different reasons and was therefore not willing to give any of them up… something that seems to tie into the whole “how to survive after college” point of this blog. While it was kind of tough to juggle it all, it swiftly became apparent to me that you HAVE to jump on opportunities when they come your way, whether it’s for a little extra cash or a little extra oomph in your resume. Jobs still ain’t easy to come by, and you gotta do whatcha gotta do – even if it means dealing with a whole lot of jobs at once.

Now, with that sage-like advice out of the way, let’s proceed to the more amusing notion of me as a server. My life involves a giant white chef’s coat (not the most figure-flattering uniform), salsa stains on my pants, margarita overflow dripping down my arms, and the constant stench of fajitas. And of course there are Harvard kids who seem to have forgotten how to do simple math, tourists who aren’t aware that tipping is customary, parents who are flabbergasted that we don't have a kids' menu ("You... you don't have hot dogs?") and, thankfully, an enormous staff of people that freaking ROCK.

I must admit, though… as a server, I’m fairly ridiculous. Competent, generally, but absurd. Whatever social awkwardness I possess in real life is amplified in the restaurant. Not always of course… uuuuusually I behave like a normally functioning human being. But, many times, I walk away from my tables, shaking my head and thinking… what the f*** was THAT?

Examples? Well, once, I imitated a catfish. Yeah. My table asked, “What’s a catfish? Is that the one with whiskers?” My reply? “Yeah yeah, it’s this one: [puts three fingers up to either side of my face, to create the illusion of the whiskers.]” They looked confused, and I walked away and smacked myself in the face.

Once I grabbed a guest’s hand, because I thought she was reaching out to grab mine. In fact, she was reaching for the check I had in my other hand. I tried to save the situation by making some half-hearted, equally awkward joke, but wound up just shoving the check into her hand and running away. That one stung.

Routinely, words get stuck in my head before they even come out, and instead of asking, “Would you like beans and rice or jambalaya?” I ask something that can best be translated into text as, “Wouldyouasjkfnajegjnkvubalaya…?”

So, perhaps being a server is not my calling. But it’s tiding me over for the time being, and I’ve found some awesome – and equally ridiculous – people to spend my days with.

But now, bedtime. I sincerely apologize to all my loyal fans for making them wait for this entry. I SWEAR I’ll update more regularly from now on!